November 27, 2015



I heard an idea recently that I think might be the key to a happy long-term relationship. And as with so many brilliant ideas, it’s tiny and simple. It has to do with changing one word: “should” to “prefer.”

In relationships, we get very caught up i...

October 2, 2015


I’ve been working with couples a lot lately, which naturally leads me to thinking non-stop about what makes relationships work. Two of my friends, with actual successful marriages, have said virtually the same thing to me lately: that once they stop...

August 14, 2015


When it comes to relationships, many clichés exist for a good reason: a lot of them are true. Making and keeping long-term connections is, of course, some of the oldest and hardest work humankind has ever undertaken, and there isn’t much that’s new...

February 13, 2014

When I started working with couples, it seemed clear that the biggest problems came up when they blamed each other for, well, everything. Their anger and contempt and sadness was all a way of saying, “I turned to you and you weren’t there.” In return...

November 27, 2013

In couples therapy, much of the time in the first several meetings is taken up with each partner venting his or her frustration. They’re telling their side of the story, partly in the hopes of convincing the therapist that they have it tougher than t...

February 21, 2013

Could it be that the key to a happy relationship is giving up on the concept of ever being right? The truth is, the very words “right” and “wrong” have almost no place in our conversations with loved ones. (With the exception, of course, the big Wron...

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