Why Your Spouse Can't Make You Happy

I’ve been working with couples a lot lately, which naturally leads me to thinking non-stop about what makes relationships work. Two of my friends, with actual successful marriages, have said virtually the same thing to me lately: that once they stopped asking their spouse to provide them everything they want, they became happy. One was talking about material goods and one was talking about emotional support, but it came down to the exact same idea, namely that taking care of their own needs allowed them to like their partner more. The concept behind this has been written about in many books, and goes by names like individuation, differentiation, and independence. It means that we expect too

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